Teresa Hunter - Gordon’s canoe is up the creek without a paddle

FINAL statement

CRIMINALS often fascinate us most for their ordinariness. When canoeist John Darwin “came back from the dead” last year, it was partly because he and his wife Anne were so humdrum that we smiled at the tangled plot they had woven. Bonnie and Clyde they were not.

But as their story unravelled in court last week, a very different picture emerged. This was a mother prepared to allow her sons to believe their father was dead when she knew he was not.

At first they emerged from the dock appearing to have lived entirely in a world of make-believe. They built up debts they couldn’t pay and then didn’t care who they hurt to escape from them.

But as the case progressed, they looked less like Walter Mitty and more like Walter Raleigh, another pirate. Although they were jailed for six years after being convicted of a £250,000 life assurance fraud, police believe they may have stashed away £1m using secret bank accounts in at least five different aliases.

The suspicion is that having avoided bankruptcy with the insurance claim they then speculated in property in the north-east, cashing in on the housing boom, before laundering the proceeds in Panama.

Now I don’t want to dwell too long on the analogy, because that would be unfair, but when I heard Prime Minister Gordon Brown speak about the problems of the economy in the aftermath of the defeat at Glasgow East, and to promise that the Government was “dealing with it”, I couldn’t help but wonder just how it thought it was “dealing with it”.

Because that isn’t at all clear to the rest of us. And that’s what made me think about the disconnected fantasy world of the Darwins.

Housebuying has dropped by two-thirds and growth has slumped. Job losses are running into the thousands. Repossessions are rising. And to cap it all, utility bills are set to soar by another 20%.

So just how is the Government dealing with all this? I scratched my head before I could come up with anything at all. Well, I suppose they have postponed the planned 2p fuel duty increase, but that only stops things getting worse, not better.

They have commissioned former HBOS boss James Crosby to see what can be done to get banks lending again. His interim report is due shortly, but no one is holding their breath. Even if he comes up with feasible suggestions to give a shot of adrenaline to the wholesale markets at around, say, the time of the Pre-Budget Report, the earliest anything can happen is the end of the year.

Before that, in September, taxpayers will feel the wage packet boost of about £60 when the rebate following the resolution of the 10p tax row lands. The rest of the £120 will be spread over the rest of the tax year. But this is peanuts.

Borrowers are crying out for lower interest rates. The latest minutes of the rate-setting Bank of England committee revealed they were split three ways about whether rates should be cut, stay the same or go up. In other words they haven’t a clue.

People are also fed up with high taxes, particularly those struggling in the hard-pressed private sector who are becoming increasingly resentful of what they see as the featherbedding of the public sector, from index-linked final salary pensions to the £750,000 cost of Tony Blair’s farewell tour and expense abuses by MPs.

Wages too have been rising in the public sector faster than the productive part of the economy since 2002, according to the Office for National Statistics.

Like the Darwins, the Government is floundering in a sea of debt. The judge jailing the Darwins accused them of a despicable charade. I’ll leave politicians to decipher the electorate’s message from the recent by-election results.

Bank charges delay

ANYONE with outstanding claims against their banks for excessive charges will be disappointed with the news that their complaints are to be mothballed for another six months.

If you are desperate for the money, it might be worth turning to the Scottish courts, which are not bound by the blanket Financial Services Authority waiver.

Pension pondering

ANOTHER postponement is better news. The Pensions Regulator has decided to postpone for 18 months a decision on whether and how to force pension schemes to implement the latest thinking on longevity.

This will have serious implications for both employers and staff, so more breathing space is welcome.

Change of address

FINALLY, can I draw readers’ attention to my new e-mail address: Teresa underscore Hunter @ btinternet.com, which should be written [e-mail]. Please keep your e-mails coming.