HAMLET famously asked: "To be or not to be?" Me? I'd like a straight answer to the conundrum: are we living longer or not?
Employers tell us we are and say they can't afford our pensions any longer. Yet the life insurance industry says because we won't ditch bacon butties we are all getting fatter and dying younger.
Which is it? Tomorrow the pensions regulator will c
laim that many of us will live to nigh on a century, and order pension schemes to push up costs by 4% to cover it. More schemes will close, and those that stay open will hike contributions again.
Meanwhile, a paper from the Institute of Economic Affairs has accused the Government of cooking its own pensions books. If it crunched the numbers as companies do, taxpayers would be aghast to discover they will be footing a bill of more than one trillion pounds to fund state workers' gold-plated pensions.
Splitting headacheI HAVE three pieces of advice for young women today. 1. Never get married. Or if you do, 2. Never have children.
Given the divorce regime in Scotland and the high incidence of marriage break-ups, young women with good careers ahead of them would have to be a few bridesmaids short of a hen night to be mad enough to embark on that trip down the aisle.
That's what I think, anyway. The law certainly won't thank you for giving up your prospects to take care of a family. Find yourself abandoned in later life, and after a couple of years of financial assistance you are on your own.
All marriages are about compromise, and young couples often decide one partner's career gets priority. Even working women find their careers hamstrung when they have to keep changing jobs every time his boss moves him around the UK or indeed the world.
That's not to belittle the sacrifices both men and women make for their families. However, the harsh truth is many Scottish women never reap the full rewards of that sacrifice. The big money only arrives in middle age.
It can be at just this point that the marriage disintegrates. After all your toil and trouble, under Scottish law she can be left bereft of income, forced to accept low-grade work, while he may have decades left of big earnings, for a second wife to enjoy.
I once faced that difficult decision. Would I do what both families wanted and become a full-time mum? Alas, I did the dishonourable thing and continued with my career in journalism. Over the years, I regularly abandoned my children to just about anyone I could drag in off the streets. They survived, no thanks to me.
But many women are made of nobler stuff, and willingly make the sacrifice I never could. They selflessly give up all for the sake of the ones they love.
And their thanks is a legal system that brutally kicks them out to work in their late 40s and early 50s.
Yet, according to a straw poll I took on Friday, I seem to hold a minority view. Most surprising of all was that most of the women I consulted strongly supported the three-year limit on maintenance. I confess, they were all working women, with little sympathy for those who stay at home. Ah, tis a wonderful thing to behold, the sisterhood.
Opponents to change point to the serial divorcees in other countries who have amassed fortunes by marrying rich old men, or meal-ticket wives, for whom divorce is their true vocation. These vultures have seriously prejudiced most Scottish lawyers against any lobby for change, although there are a few, dealing daily with decent women being poorly served, who are becoming increasingly uncomfortable.
Until they are given a fair hearing I must deliver my final piece of advice. If you have to marry and have children, whatever you do: 3. Never marry a Scot.
Helpline hellDIARY February 14: Thursday hellish busy so decided to work from home. Got up at 5.50am to make a cracking start. Imagine fury when internet connection, ntlworld, (taken over last year by Virgin) down. Worked for a few hours in the hope it would come up. No luck. Called helpline.
Spent two hours on phone, switching on/off, unplugging, reconnecting, reinstalling, while Virgin swore it was a fault at my end. Finally realised I would not hang up until problem located. Operator admitted fault theirs. Warned connection down until 2pm. Then told 3pm. Then 3.30pm. Finally reconnected 5.30pm. Whole day wasted, tearing out hair.
Wonder if they'll do better when they get Northern Rock? What will excuses be then? Sorry, can't complete mortgage today, you've lost the keys. What keys? No, you can't withdraw from your savings account, because of overdraft? What overdraft?
